A Spork in the Road

Dear United Healthcare “Golden Rule” Bureaucrat:

I would like to thank you for denying my insurance claim and rescinding my coverage while I was in the middle of chemotherapy.

For many years, I experienced a deep and paralyzing fear of making noise. I don’t mean audible noise: I mean Making Noise, attracting attention, asserting my will in a noticeable way. I am particularly phobic of that childhood bugaboo, “Getting in Trouble.” I am hyperaware of, and hypersensitive to, social conventions. I am convinced of my own culpability.

I am ashamed to speak out.

When first I received the news, halfway through my treatment for the deadly disease of lymphoma, that you were denying me health insurance, I choked on fear and impotence. I wrote a half-hearted letter announcing my intent to contest your decision, but I felt helpless and hopeless standing on the shore of your unfathomable bureaucracy. I considered cashing your check and giving up. I wallowed in my own inadequacy.

But now, thanks to you, I am shedding my fear, shame, and doubt. I am making phone calls. I am writing letters. I am doing my research. Most importantly, I am daily reclaiming my power to speak out not only for myself, but also for all those who have been violated by our health care system. I am waking up and making noise and floating on the buoyant realization that I cannot control the injustices of the world, but I sure as hell don’t have to take them quietly.

And for that, I’d like to thank you.

Sincerely,
Beth Adele Long